Book Haul

Otherwise known as a buttload of books!


Granted, these are Terri and my books combined. But we hauled them out of the library in one giant bag. I felt like Santa Claus. Seriously. It was heavy. Comfort-book central.

So here's what I got. (Terri got thrillers and spirituality books.)

A Prayer for Owen Meany, John Irving: I've read this, but it's been a long time. Seems like a good comfort/inspiration book.

The Rescuers, Margery Sharp: I haven't read this since.... uh, a very long time ago. It is seriously so adorable. I remember sitting out in our huge redwood tree reading this, sheltered from the rain.

The Sandman, Neil Gaiman: I know I read one or two of these a few years ago, but was not huge Neil fan then. Now I am, and I can't wait to read this big collection.

Murder on the Orient Express, Agatha Christie: OK, people. How have I not read Agatha Christie before now?? OMG, totally in love with this book (currently reading). Poirot is droll, the characters are perfect, and I love the 30s writing style. And, this book is a bonus nice little size with a fun 60s-era cover.

The Book of Lost Things, John Connelly: Picked at random from shelf. Looks like fun. I can't remember what it's about... something about a magic book?

The Long Winter, Laura Ingalls Wilder: Vying for position as my favorite Little House book (next to On The Banks of Plum Creek or Little House In The Big Woods). Have not read this in years and years. Really looking forward to it. I think I read the Little House books at least four or five times.

Danny, Champion of the World, Roald Dahl: A favorite, and bittersweet to suit my current mood.

The Witches, Roald Dahl: Because it is so delightfully funny and weird.

A Series of Unfortunate Events #2 (The Reptile Room), Lemony Snickett: I've read the first one and thought it was so wonderful. Somehow the title (...Unfortunate Events) seems apt.

The Wind In The Willows, Kenneth Grahame: Another childhood favorite. I love Toad!

The Giver, Lois Lowry: I'm ashamed that somehow I have never read this.

Umm... so yeah. I'd better get reading. I'm so excited about all these books -- I really just picked out whatever looked comforting, funny, and cozy. Particularly happy that I'm enjoying the Christie so much -- I think I have a new source of comfort reads, especially for rainy nights! Is the Poirot series any good?

Progress

I woke up this morning NOT feeling like I had a fiery board strapped to my upper back, so that's good! Still pretty stiff and sore but it doesn't feel like if I make one wrong move, things are going to snap, anymore. So, definitely progress.

We washed both litter boxes yesterday with Simple Green. Apparently this was a mistake. Now one little particular (sick) kitty is peeing right NEXT to the box (on the waterproof mat, thankfully). Sigh. I think she doesn't like the new smell. So, back to the drawing board. That's what I get for trying to make things better.

Terri made the menu for the week so I know that tonight we are having a beet and avocado salad for dinner. One thing I do love about living in California is cheap avocadoes (in season). Sometimes they are 4/$1. That's pretty amazing. I could eat avocadoes every day.

Today I am getting my 'chores' done early, and then we'll go to the library around 2 pm. I'm stocking up on everything cozy and nice. I started reading a de Lint book last night, but it's one of his few horror novels and boy, I am really not in the mood for that. I love his writing, and usually I love scary books, but I really did not want to read that last night. Thank goodness the muscle relaxant kicked in and I fell fast asleep.

Speaking of sleep, I noticed today that I woke up feeling... awake. Rested! What a strange sensation! It reinforced my suspicion that I haven't been sleeping well lately. I think that I am waking up over and over and over all night. Even though I fall back asleep quickly, I'm not getting very good sleep. Since I can't keep taking muscle relaxants all the time (dang), I need to look into this. I'm guessing exercise and possibly some relaxation exercises. And I need to work on stress reduction since apparently it's all adding up. It feels so good to actually feel rested. Three nights of solid sleep will do that to you, I guess! I have 12 more doses of the MR's and I'm going to use them all. I don't have that yucky hangover feeling with this particular kind like I do with Flexeril. Normally I try not to take medicine or drugs but I'm just going to go ahead and take it and get some rest.

In other news, we are getting our first tomato! One little teeny-tiny cherry tomato is starting on our small little bush. I'm very excited and am cheering it on!

Well, I'm off to do chores. Kitty-sitting, new litter box (sigh), maybe a quick stop at the thrift store for some rag towels. And then books and relaxing the rest of the day. Yay!

In Serious Need Of Comfort Books

We are going to the library tomorrow. I need a game plan. All the books I have out right now are far too ambitious for my shell-shocked brain. (I can't even read Gaiman's Fragile Things, that's how bad it is)

I can't even come up with a list for myself, that's how pitiful I am!

So I poked around on Ye Olde Internets and came up with a starting point. This is the sort of things I'm in the mood for. Here's my list (to start)

* Louisa May Alcott (some of her other books, not Little Women, which I just reread last year)
* Laura Wilder books (On the Banks of Plum Creek, or maybe The Long Winter...)
* The Secret Garden
* maybe something like Agatha Christie or Sherlock Holmes
* A Prayer for Owen Meany
* a big stack of Roald Dahl
* lighter classics (Oscar Wilde, perhaps?)

I'm also thinking of going to the YA section and pulling down some old favorites.

Anything I should add to the list? Please tell me your favorite comfort books!

**
In other news, after a chiropractic appointment, car-shop appointment, and physical therapy appointment, I can say that none of the damage is too severe (to either me or the car) but work must be done on both bodies. Car needs a new bumper and maybe some body straightening. I need some body straightening and could probably use a new bumper myself, now that you mention it...

My PT also recommended that after all my treatments, I find a Pilates class. He said I'm amazingly flexible (thank you!) but need strengthening for my back (aw, shoot). So, I'm going to look for something hopefully in my neighborhood.

Tiger Lily is sleeping a lot (so is everybody else) and being very cute (so is everybody else). I'm going to the pet food store tomorrow to get enticing favorites. Now, if only I knew what those enticing favorites were... (picky kitties...)

Feeling better today. My back feels less like it's on fire and more like someone poured warm syrup all over it. This is a good thing, contrary to how that sounds...

Better (kind of)

That was me yesterday. I am so rarely in a truly bad mood (the kind where you really can't hide it) that people at work yesterday were giving me the look. You know the one... "Ummm, I'll just... step away... and, um... hope you feel better soon..."

Today I am still sad (so sad) and still hurting and stiff (with a killer headache) but was in a better mood. I could fake it pretty well. I got stuff done. I even filed a police report. So, that's better.

I guess.

Tomorrow I have appointments all day (chiropractor, car stuff, physical therapy), so I'm taking the day off. Hopefully there will be some resting in there somewhere. Next week is more busybusybusy. Then hopefully some more resting.

Although I'm terribly sad for the reason why we can spoil Tiger Lily with abandon, it is amusing to watch her gleefully lick the cereal milk and realize, with dawning joy, that she gets to be on the bed as much as she wants.

Book: Danse Macabre

Well, six hundred and twenty reviewers on Amazon can't be wrong. Two stars!! Although maybe a little overrated. (the reviews are ruthless, it's sort of amusing)

I particularly like this reviewer's comments: "All of this stuff is thrown into this book without any real sense of a story or pretty much a point to anything. There is no plot in this book. There is, however, variations of the same ol' same ol' sex scenes that make trashy, low-budget porn movies seem like works of art in comparison. Sometimes I think the author opens up a file containing a previously written sex scene and all she does is change the setting and its characters and voila! A book has been written!"

Oh, Anita. You and your cadre of codependent men are tiring. Even if you are kind of amusing. And the copy-editing practice is useful. An example:

"Ma petite, if you could fetch scissors from the bathroom drawer, we can look at his wounds."

I did it without being asked.

No, no, you dummy -- he just asked!! Gah! People! What does it take to get this woman her own copy editor?? Even the titles of her books on her website have typos (Lunitic Cafe instead of Lunatic Cafe... The Harliquin instead of The Harlequin)

So why do I keep reading this? Past glory, I suppose. The first 8 books are pretty great. Great supernatural police detective stories, with a fascinating main character. Anita Blake used to KICK ASS. She used to kick butt and take names. She was fierce, conflicted, ruthless, a major pain in the ass -- but likable and fun to read about. She had interesting moral dilemmas. She had complicated relationships. The other characters were amusing, interesting, sexy and scary. And she used to write about great monsters. Really, really fantastic, scary monsters. I very much enjoyed the first 8 books.

But then... who knows what happened? Now it's pretty much, as the reviewer stated, the same ol' same ol' sex scene, with various characters. Anita is a self-admitted gigantic pain in the ass. This woman will argue with a rock. It's exhausting. I skipped pretty much the entire last quarter of the book, just skimming to get to the end.

I picked this up from the library because I really just needed something light, amusing... and I really like to copyedit her writing. I'm a geek. But it's actually tiring to read these books anymore. There is no plot; or rather, what plot there is is so poorly played out and is such a small part of the book, there isn't any point to even including the plot. (notice that I haven't mentioned the plot? Not worth mentioning). Also, the writing is confusing, and the storyline and connections between all the characters are byzantine. You need a roadmap to keep it all together... but it doesn't really matter because the characters are pretty much interchangable at this point.

Sigh. Jean-Claude used to be so hot. Anita used to be so badass. I miss that. I also miss how the author used to spend pages describing all the weapons Anita would wear. How awesome is it that a little five-foot-two girl was armed to the hilt? And had awesome scars, also described in detail. That girl could take a lickin' and keep on tickin'. Now she takes a lickin'... but it's a different kind of lickin', if you know what I mean.

It still makes me smile when Ms. Hamilton (the author) describes the fashions everyone wears. It's a quirk of her storytelling that she elaborately describes these amazing clothes (straight out of 80s-era David Bowie, very Goblin King). She used to describe Anita's running clothes. Now she describes the clothes Anita takes off. Oh well.

So... I won't say that I won't read another, because I'm sort of fascinated with what will happen with all the characters, but I might just get the rest from the library and skim through them all. Sort of like fast-forwarding through a movie just to see what happens at the end.

I'd be back on board in an instant if the author would kill off some of the men and get Anita back in police (er, Federal Marshal) gear.

Anita is sort of inspiring, however, in that she is a giant pain in the ass. Sometimes I wish I were a bigger pain in the ass. You know? I'd like to be demanding, harsh, rigid and highly volatile. That sounds kind of fun.

falling apart (just a little)

Sigh.

Since the double-whammy of yesterday, I have not been doing so good. Physically, I'm hurting and stiff and quite unhappy.

Emotionally, I'm a big fat mess. Suffice to say that tears are falling with frightening ease and frequency. I can't stand that this is happening to my little kitty.

(would like to say here that I know lots of people are going through a variety of terrible things right now -- big huge hugs to all of you. Just feeling the need to vent a little...)

I'm also feeling extremely frustrated that even though I have been working my ass off and saving like crazy -- almost even having the insane thought that we might be able to look for a house to buy next year -- we are suddenly hit with vet bills AND car bills. Effing hit and run driver. I feel very bitter about this. Of course I'd rather not pay for vet bills, but it's necessary to keep Miss Little comfy. The car thing makes me mad, however.

Bitter. Yes. I think that is how I am feeling. Bitter and sad. It's not very attractive. It doesn't feel very good. I hate feeling victim-y. I want to run away from myself.

I know this will all pass. I know it will not be bad forever. But right now I am feeling like I'm choking on the bitter pill and am not feeling so pleased about The Universe or whoever runs this show.

To one sweet adorable love-filled little black and white kitty, it IS the end of the world, and for that I feel like throwing a gigantic tantrum. I. Can't. Stand. It.

But I can't fall down on the floor and kick my feet, because I can barely bend my neck. So what's a girl to do? Can't even throw a decent tantrum. WTF.

Oh well. Like Terri said to me today: It could be worse. We could be members of the Donner Party!

This would be what you call a 'bad day'

At the risk of sounding like a complete Eeyore (to which I feel very dangerously close WAY too often, lately -- what is the matter with me??), today was pretty much the worst day in recent memory.

Ok, yesterday was pretty bad too.

So, after literally crying ourselves to sleep last night, I got up today (puffy eyes and all) and was sort of looking forward to working at a conference booth all day. Keep me distracted, meet new people, etc.

However, through a series of miscommunications and last-minute requests, we (our intern and I) ended up making two trips over to the city hotel where the conference was, the second time carrying extremely heavy batches of paper (which always annoys me... I'm pretty tough, but I get damn tired of carrying heavy stuff). So, annoying, but fine.

Except on the way home, sitting in traffic on Market Street, we are suddenly rear-ended by a small truck. It was so unexpected and quite a hard hit. I was drinking coffee (because of all the crying last night... a little tired today) and of course coffee goes everywhere, all over my WHITE SHIRT and in my hair and all over the windshield. After making sure we are both okay, I get out of the car to tell the guy to pull over around the corner since traffic is backing up all around us. He practically falls out of his car while trying to open the door to get out -- I think he was drunk. I'm so shaken and not thinking straight, I don't get his license or insurance card right then (lesson: always get license and insurance card right away). Instead, as I pull around the corner, he takes off.

Of course.

I can't believe it. Hit and run. Fantastic. So, I try to pull over to call my insurance company but because I am in downtown San Francisco, there is nowhere to pull over where I won't be immediately towed (as all the bellhops so kindly inform us, over and over). Finally I find a place. We talk to the insurance people. I try to calm down. We're okay, the car is hurt but is still drive-able... I'm mad and shaky and upset, but we're okay. I've been rear-ended way too many times in recent years and am already starting to feel the whiplash.

So... anyway. We make it back to the office and I'm hurting but she's fine and so that's good.

Finally I make it home and I take off my coffee-stained clothes and take a shower to wash the latte out of my hair. As I step out of the shower, still dripping, the phone rings. We're waiting for the vet to call, so I answer it.

It's the worst news. Our little Tiger Lily has advanced mammary cancer and there isn't much we can do. I hand the phone to Terri, who has lots of good questions, while I sit on the floor, in a towel, dripping wet, and cry and snuggle Miss Little who is being very cute and is obviously oblivious. She is so darn cute and still seems to be doing well (although now that we know what to look for, she is having symptoms, which breaks my heart). So, lots of tears.

Then I remember that I'm supposed to be treating my whiplash, so right now I'm sitting in a chair icing my neck and back, with my adorable sweet girl curled up on my lap purring, and I'm trying to figure out how to live with all this. What happened to today? Why all of this at once?

I don't know. I keep feeling like somehow I should change my attitude or 'work to make things better' but then I look at things and I realize that actually my attitude is pretty good (most of the time) and I'm totally working at changing the things I can. These bad things are just really no good at all, and that's just how it is. It just is. Today was a very bad day.

However, in the midst of all this, I'm grateful that we weren't hurt worse. I'm grateful that my car isn't totalled (I hope). I'm grateful that we still have time with Tiger Lily while she still appears to be feeling okay. I'm grateful for lots of things. I'm grateful that Terri is making me a grilled cheese sandwich right now.

I just wish I knew how to turn the tide. Or maybe it doesn't need to be turned, maybe we're just on some strange journey that still isn't over. I'm going to start reading Pema Chodron, and I don't know... start meditating or something. Or, maybe I'll just read more trashy books. And snuggle our kitties and love them to pieces. They are all a little freaked out so they need lots of love.

I have to go to the doctor tomorrow to see about my back/neck, and I'll just take it really easy. I don't know. Something doesn't seem right, but I don't know what it is. I don't know what needs to change. I feel like I'm missing some essential piece of the puzzle.

OK, that's enough Eeyore for tonight. I'm just hurting and aching and heartbroken over my kitty, and tired and a little shellshocked and feeling super-crummy. The Internets tell me to not 'slump in an easy chair' while treating whiplash, but I can tell you that a hard straight-backed chair is the last place I want to be right now. Sorry, but comfy chair with kitty is what we're doing tonight. (giving precious kitty kisses and snuggles)

It's All A Bit Much

Dear God:

Thanks for all the good stuff, but please cut back on the bad stuff.

Thank you,
Daphne, Terri, Katie, Cleo and Tiger Lily

So.... today I took little Tiger Lily to the vet to have a lump examined. Lumps are never good. In this case, it seems particularly not-good. There's a very strong chance that she has mammary cancer. Which is not good. Really, really not good. The growth is pretty big. I'm very worried, and deeply scared.

We'll find out in a few days (maybe tomorrow) if it's malignant or not. I'm dreading all this. It's part of being a pet owner -- part of being alive -- but it sucks.

Our little Tiger Lily is the sweetest little kitty ever. She has had her share of mishaps: being a stray kitty (luckily found by me!), falling out of a 3-story window, having numerous serious bouts with mysterious viruses (and making miraculous recoveries), etc. However, she has the sweetest spirit ever, so friendly and funny and loving. We call her The Little because she just seems like a little baby, so innocent and curious and needing to be loved and snuggled all the time.

I can't imagine life without her. We have just been sitting in bed crying, praying for... we don't know what. For a benign tumor, of course. That her life continues to be sweet and full of love, no matter what. She isn't acting sick right now -- is eating fine, etc., so I'm hopeful that this means she'll have a good quality of life for however long, in any case.

I just feel like: come on. Terri has a chronic illness (she's doing a little better, by the way -- yay!), Katie has chronic renal failure (which is, miraculously, stable so far -- so we are very lucky), Cleo is getting older (she's at least 13 or 14 by now) and now this.

It's all a bit much.

I'm really glad I've been on vacation the last few days. I'm more rested and feeling better. I know I have to take really good care of myself. I'm not quite sure what else I need to do. We just bought a copy of Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart, so I think I'll be reading that. Terri also mentioned church again... I'm really not very churchy, but I could use some spiritual guidance and community support, so I'm all for it.

In the meantime, no more sad books for me. Lots of rest and fruits and veggies. Lots and lots of kitty snuggles.

Here's Miss Little doing what she does best: stealing someone else's dinner (in this case, Thanksgiving stuffing)

Good thoughts would be welcomed. Thanks, everyone. I'll post updates as we get them.